Pico 1.5: Casandra's Revenge/Transcript

Casandra's Back [sic]

But this time it's not him thats gonna pay [sic]

He's pissed off with that pathetic pop-loving pric-o [sic]

And he's gonna make sure that heads roll . .

(A logo reading "PICO 1.5" appears, with Cassandra standing on the bottom left corner. Below the logo, the words "CASANDRA'S REVENGE" [sic] appear.)

"Wow, i look so much like the real thing it's unbelievable [sic]"

―Cassandra

(Upon clicking the "PLAY" button on the bottom right corner, it cuts to Pico's classroom, where Cassandra and the students are receiving a lesson from the teacher.)

"Good morning, class!
Today I am going to teach you about apples, and bananas.
Apples are a red fruit. They are very tasty
Who here has eaten an apple?"

―Pico's teacher

(Pico raises his hand.)

"That's great, Pico!"

―Pico's teacher

(Cassandra leaves her seat and takes out her gun.)

"Has anyone here ever eaten a banana?"

―Pico's teacher

"Enough of this Crap! [sic]
I've been listening to goth music all my life...
It never said anything about apples!
The american education system is bullshit! [sic]
Rip the system!
End facism! [sic]
KEIN MEHRHEIT FUR DIE MITLEID!
BeRzErKeR!"

―Cassandra

(Cassandra shoots the teacher, decapitating her. The screen cuts to black.)

Your computer is unable to process the immense amounts of blood flying around the screen at this time.

The genocide will be over in a just moment. Thank you.

CASANDRA'S REVENGE [sic]
The remainding soundtrack is by HIVE.... [sic]
I dont give two fucks is he cares or not [sic]

(It cuts to Cassandra speaking to Cyclops in the school hallway.)

"Prico's still alive, if he comes this way, Put so much lead in that dumb fuckers hide that his dick doubles up as a pencil. [sic]"

―Cassandra

"I think I can handle that stupid little ginger fuck. I'll be sure to introduce him to my little friend if I see him."

―Cyclops

"You are one sick muther-fucker [sic]"

―Cassandra

"I mean I'll introuduce him to my gun that is! Nothing else *blush* [sic]"

―Cyclops

"Don't let me down. No second chances. Kapeesh?"

―Cassandra

"Kapeesh!"

―Cyclops

(Cassandra leaves.)

"Asshole!"

―Cyclops

(Cassandra walks to the entrance of the restrooms and stops.)

"Typical ninja, always hiding out and being a perv in the chicks crapper! [sic]"

―Cassandra

(She enters the girls' restroom and talks to Hanzo.)

"Pico ain't pushin' up the daisies yet. If he need's to take a dump or he decides he's gonna hide out in here, turn his dick into a cocktail weiner. [sic]"

―Cassandra

"I've got it all covered, that ginger fag wont stand a fucking chance! [sic]
I'll slice him up like pepperami then flush him down the toilet. [sic]"

―Hanzo

"Erm, yeah. Whatever. Just make sure that if he comes in here. He doesn't make it back out."

―Cassandra

(She leaves.)

Meanwhile

(Cyclops is seen talking to Pico in the hallway.)

"Hey Pico, it looks like Casandra has a crush on you! [sic]
Otherwise, you'd be dead right now!
It's a shame I don't share Casandra's sentiments. [sic]
Any last requests?"

―Cyclops

"Go eat dick!"

―Pico

(Pico pulls out an M16 and shoots Cyclops' gun off.)

"Run home to mommy!"

―Pico

(Cyclops backs off and meets up with Cassandra again, who is exiting the girls' restroom.)

"What the fuck are you doing here?
I though I told you to stay and guard the corridor! [sic]"

―Cassandra

"Pico just turned up outta nowhere with this M16 and blasted my gun straight outta my hands.
I picked it up on the way here. I think it still works."

―Cyclops

"Well get the fuck back through there and kill that jerk. Before I kill YOU"

―Cassandra

"Ok, I'm going!"

―Cyclops

(He goes back.)

"Useless punk moron!"

―Cassandra

(Cyclops confronts Pico once again.)

"Back for some more punishment? Prepare to meet your maker!!!"

―Pico

"Whatever. So long as I press the left and right keys fast enough...
Your ass is grass!"

―Cyclops

(The two have a gunfight.)

"You may have won this time but it wont happen again! [sic]
You wont make it out of this building. I assure you! [sic]"

―Pico

(He leaves.)

"Phew, that was close. I better go and tell Casandra! [sic]"

―Cyclops

(As he is about to do so, Pico returns and shoots Cyclops while he isn't looking.)

"Dumbass!"

―Pico

(He goes forward and stops near the restrooms.)

"Hmm, no ones here. [sic]
Man, I need a crap!
Seing as though everyone's dead, I think I'll use the girl's loo. Maybe there's some desperate chick in there who survived. [sic]"

―Pico

(He enters the girls' restroom, where he encounters Hanzo.)

"OH SHIT!"

―Pico

"A true ninja will only fight a warrior with a blade carved from the finest precious metals!
Oh wait. You've got a sword!"

―Hanzo

"Yeah, I stole it from your locker on the way here. Its pretty neat! [sic]"

―Pico

"Yeah it is pretty cool isn't it! Stealing is bad though and I'm afraid that when I trace the shapes quicker than you . . .
. . . You will meet the same fate as Cyclop's. [sic]"

―Hanzo

"Bring it on, asshole!"

―Pico

(The two have a swordfight.)

(After the fight is over, Pico falls to the floor in a pool of blood, seemingly dead. Hanzo walks to his body.)

"I think he's dead!"

―Hanzo

(Pico gets up and shoots Hanzo, decapitating them.)

"Fucking idiot.
He should've known not to mess with me. I'm Bad [sic]"

―Pico

(Cassandra is seen walking out of the boys' restroom.)

"I wonder where Prico is right now. He's probably dead already!"

―Cassandra

(She passes through the hallway, and sees Cyclops' corpse.)

"Good for nothing, waste of space!"

―Cassandra

(She enters the janitor's closet, and tears down the "CHICKS W/ DICKS" poster, exposing a hole in the wall.)

"I would've sworn there would be something back there. [sic]"

―Cassandra

(After using Hanzo's night vision goggles, she sees a hidden key and grabs it.)

"Wow, the school key. Now I can bust the fuck outta this shithole!"

―Cassandra

(As she's about to exit, she takes out the night vision goggles and stops.)

"Guess I wont be needing these anymore! [sic]"

―Cassandra

(She leaves the goggles on the table and leaves, passing by Alucard's classroom.)

"I think it's locked from the inside. There's nothing but dead bodies in there anyway."

―Cassandra

(She sees lights shining out from the school entrance door's windows.)

"Shit. The fuzz. Looks like this ways a no go. [sic]
There must be another way out.
I'll try the storage room at the end of the school. There might be a service entrance."

―Cassandra

(She heads to the teachers' lounge.)

"Fuck!
I must have something that can get me past this fire!
I'll just check my pockets.
Hmm . . . some chewing gum
1. . .6 . . .a quid. One pound sixteen in change
A lighter. I dont see how that can be of much use in this situation! [sic]
. . . . and some condoms. Just in case Nene's ever up for some. Actually I think I'll keep those!
You just can't be too careful these days.
Hand on two seconds, before I do that I've gotta be one badass mofo quickly."

―Cassandra

"So where were we?
Oh yeah change!
Oh come on. Not even the Monkey Island team could think of a use for this!
Well. Except for speeding it but I don't see any shop round here!"

―Cassandra (rambling)

"Hmm, theres gotta be something in here that I can use [sic]
If I was in a big burning building, other than crapping my pants what would I do?
Why don't I spell it out for you. Are you an idiot or something?
Use the lighter on the fire detector... moron!"

―Thinking balloon

"A lighter. How the Fuck can a lighter save my ass in this situation. Come to think of it. How can a lighter save anyone? [sic]"

―Cassandra

(She throws the lighter at the fire detector, which puts out the flames.)

"Aha! the fire detectors. I guess they must be so crap that the flame has to be touching them before it triggers! [sic]"

―Cassandra

(She opens the door and enters the storage room.)

"I was speaking to my friend the other day. His name is Alucard. I dont know if you know him. [sic]
He's a psychic and he's into telekinesis and that kind of thing. He was tellin me he had a premonition that Prico would finish me off here, [sic]
So I'm gonna hide behind this here sign and ambush that little asshole! This should be good!!!"

―Cassandra

(She hides behind the sign on the screen displaying the text "Cinema Mode".)

"Now we wait. . .
. . .and wait. . .
. . .and wait a little more . . .
Wait! I think I hear him coming!"

―Cassandra

(Pico appears.)

"Weird a sorta expected him to be here! [sic]
Ginger sense. . .
tingling . . .
no wait. . .
. . .pulsating violently!
I must advance with caution!!!"

―Pico

(He goes down the stairs and looks around.)

"Where could that stupid goth asshole be?"

―Pico

(Cassandra leaves her hiding spot and her head transforms into that of a Penilian's.)

"* SNARL * * GRRRRRR * * RAAAAAAAAAAAAAR *
(Translation) I say, eating you is going to be awfully fun!"

―Cassandra

"Oh, okay then. I was just thinking the same.
Oops. Now everyone knows I'm a monster too. Oh well. Check THIS out."

―Pico

(Pico grows in size, his face darkens and he grows horns.)

"Lets get it on! [sic]"

―Pico

(They start fighting. Pico is defeated.)

"This wont happen again casandra. The ghetto is coming to get you. [sic]"

―Pico

"Yeah boy!!!! I kicked your ass. Go home and cry to mommy!"

―Cassandra

Credits

Programming... James Hemmings
New Story... James Hemmings
Art... James Hemmings
Sound Editing... James Hemmings
Alpha Beta and Im bored Testing... James Hemmings [sic]
Crap Jokes... James Hemmings
Spelling Err0rz... James Hemmings
Inspiration.. James Hemmings
Nutrition and Diet Support... Mum

Thanks for Watching!