Pico's School: Love Conquers All/Transcript

(Random "bububu" talking noise starts, sounding much like a kid's edutainment game.)

"Good morning, class!
Today I am going to teach you about apples, and bananas!
Apples are a red fruit.
They are very tasty.
Who here has eaten an apple?"

―Teacher

(Pico raises his hand.)

"That's great, Pico!
Has anyone here ever eaten a banana?"

―Teacher

(Cassandra gets out of her seat and approaches the teacher.)

"Enough of this crap!
I've been listening to goth music all my life..."

―Cassandra

"Hey, I like goth music!"

―Pico

"Really? What is your favorite band?"

―Cassandra

(Pico would state that either Bauhaus, The Cure or Sisters of Mercy was his favorite band.)

"Weird, I didn't think any kids at this school listened to the same music as me.
KEIN MEHRHEIT FÜR DIE MITLEID!"

―Cassandra

"A fellow KMFDM fan, I see!"

―Pico

"Wait, you're into industrial music, too?"

―Cassandra

"You should come to my house and listen to my collection."

―Pico

(Cassandra exposes her Penilian eyes.)

"Your offer is tempting but I'm actually an interdimensional being sent here to reign terror and prepare your society for authoritarian rule."

―Cassandra

"And you also like goth and industrial music?"

―Pico

"Well of course, it's some of the finest music in all of time and space.
Your world is shit, though. It doesn't deserve it."

―Cassandra

"Our world isn't as bad as you think!
How about we take a walk together?"

―Pico

"I... Uh... Ok."

―Cassandra

"Pico and Cassandra leave the classroom to go for a walk.
PICO'S SCHOOL"

(Pico approaches the exit door.)

"It's a beautiful day out but there are kids here who need our help."

―Pico

(Pico and Cassandra enter the second classroom.)

"Cassandra? What's going on?
I was listening for you to kick things off."

―Alucard

"Did you know Cassandra was just using your teen angst to get her own way?"

―Pico

"What? Really? Cassandra, is that true?"

―Alucard

(Cassandra begins to blush.)

"Well jeez, when you put it that way... I guess I was being a bit selfish."

―Cassandra

"What were you so upset about in the first place, Alucard? You basically have superpowers."

―Pico

"I do, but at what expense? My father experimented on me as a baby and now he's in prison.
When we talk on the phone, he's only ever interested in one thing...
'How is your telekineses going? Can you lift cars yet? Can you bend light?' [sic]"

―Alucard

"I'm sorry to hear that, Alucard. He sounds like a real self-obsessed jerk.
But you shouldn't trade one self-obsessed jerk for another."

―Pico

(Cassandra blushes even harder in embarrassment.)

"Sorry Cassandra, that was rude of me."

―Pico

"No, you're right. I was only thinking about what I wanted and not the needs of others.
I've been acting like a grade-A dingus."

―Cassandra

"It's ok Cassandra, we all make mistakes. I was too quick to jump at the chance to destroy the world.
I'm gonna tell my dad how I feel, maybe he'll start to understand that I'm more than his experiement. [sic]"

―Alucard

"That's great Alucard, I hope everything works out well for you!"

―Pico

"Thanks, Pico!
Oh, here's the key to the security gate.
I locked it earlier to trap people inside, like a dick. Real sorry."

―Alucard

(Pico and Cassandra continue walking down the hallway.)

"Hey Pico, it looks like Casandra has a crush on you! [sic]
Otherwise, you'd be dead right now!
It's a shame I don't share Casandra's sentiments. [sic]
Any last requests?"

―Cyclops

Please spare me!

"Please spare me!
I know you're a good person, Cyril.
Remember that time I tripped in the hallway?
You helped pick up my books."

―Pico

"I try to be nice, but people tease me about my eye.
There's only so much a guy can take."

―Cyclops

"Kids are stupid, I get teased for my ginger hair.
What if tomorrow, you dye your hair red and I wear an eye patch?
That should throw them for a loop!"

―Pico

"LOL that's a fun idea, let's do it!
Man, I feel so stupid for bringing a gun to school."

―Cyclops

"It's ok, we're the only ones who know.
Just go home and tomorrow we'll act like nothing happened.
Nothing except your hair and my eye patch!"

―Pico

"LOL ok sounds good Pico, I'll seeya tomorrow."

―Cyclops

Got any Green Day?

"Got any Green Day?"

―Pico

"I can't tell, are you making fun of me?"

―Cyclops

"Nah man, I like punk rock.
But you know what isn't punk rock?"

―Pico

"What?"

―Cyclops

"Shooting your classmates, silly!
I know you're a good person, Cyril.
Remember that time I tripped in the hallway?
You helped pick up my books."

―Pico

"I try to be nice, but people tease me about my eye.
There's only so much a guy can take."

―Cyclops

"Kids are stupid, I get teased for my ginger hair.
What if tomorrow, you dye your hair red and I wear an eye patch?
That should throw them for a loop!"

―Pico

"LOL that's a fun idea, let's do it!
Man, I feel so stupid for bringing a gun to school."

―Cyclops

"It's ok, we're the only ones who know.
Just go home and tomorrow we'll act like nothing happened.
Nothing except your hair and my eye patch!"

―Pico

"LOL ok sounds good Pico, I'll seeya tomorrow."

―Cyclops

(In the men's bathroom, Pico opens a stall door.)

"Excuse me, will you please shut the door?!"

―Pooping Student

"Oh sorry, my bad!"

―Pico

(Pico politely shuts the door.)

(Pico and Cassandra enter the women's bathroom.)

"Hey, what's going on Cassandra?
I set up this bathroom to be the perfect trap.
But no one has come running in.
And what's Pico doing here with you?"

―Hanzo

"I've been... Reconsidering our options.
Maybe killing everyone wasn't the best idea."

―Cassandra

"I'm actually relieved to hear that.
I didn't want to kill anyone but I was afraid of letting you down.
You're like the only person in this school who is nice to me."

―Hanzo

"It's not easy for an afficianado of Japanese culture like myself... [sic]
...to attend school with uncultured swine who don't know the difference between anime and manga."

―Hanzo

"I'm actually a big anime fan, Harold!
Did you know Nene shares her name with a character from Bubblegum Crisis?"

―Pico

"Oh wow, I had never made that connection."

―Hanzo

"Also, was I ever mean to you Harold?"

―Pico

"Well, not specifically... But you never paid me any attention."

―Hanzo

"Did you ever pay me any attention?"

―Pico

"No, I guess I didn't. I see your point, Pico.
I've been making too many assumptions about people based on my own insecurities."

―Hanzo

"Maybe we can get together this weekend and watch Akira."

―Pico

"I'd like that very much. Domo arigato, Pico-san."

―Hanzo

(Pico and Cassandra run into Nene, happily strolling in the hallway.)

"Oh, hi Pico! I was just on my way to the bathroom.
Beautiful day today, isn't it?"

―Nene

(Pico and Cassandra reach the end of the hall.)

"See Cassandra, people here are actually pretty nice!
Maybe you could even stay here and live among us?"

―Pico

"I'll admit the people of your world aren't as horrible as I thought.
However, there is one important thing we can not forgive.
You see, on our planet, Peniliens are what you would call, "gay". [sic]
And it is our understanding that your planet is homophobic."

―Cassandra

"It's true there are homophobic people on earth.
But many of them are actually gay and trying to deny it.
Most people are fine, though! In fact, I'd like you to meet someone."

―Pico

(Boyfriend walks in.)

"This is my boyfriend! Everyone at school is totally cool with it.
I'm not saying everything is perfect, but our planet is coming around.
I think you'd find you like it here, if you gave us a chance."

―Pico

"We had not realized how far your civilization has progressed.
Pico, you've convinced me. I shall spare your planet and come live among you."

―Cassandra

"That's great!
Maybe we can visit a museum this weekend and share more of our culture with you."

―Pico

"I would like that. Tell me, do you have museums dedicated to... Furry art?"

―Cassandra

(Pico and Boyfriend react in shocked silence.)

THE END.
a newgrounds production
created by Tom Fulp
featuring music by RealFaction

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