Citizen Pico: Pico's School IV/Transcript

House (Opening)

(Pico was sleeping until the alarm clock rings)

"Oh crap, I'm late for school!
Hopefully Nene and Darnell didn't leave without me. I better hurry!"

―Pico

(Pico gets out of bed. He examines two posters hanging on his wall. The former is a movie poster of Class of Nuke 'Em High.)

"Best movie ever! Over the top gore and bodily fluids are awesome!"

―Pico

(The latter is a promotional poster for The X-Files, displaying the phrase, "I Want to Believe".)

"I love the X-Files! It reminds me of the time I saved the school!"

―Pico

(Pico then looks at a book lying on his cupboard.)

""War and Peace" Pffft, boring!"

―Pico

(He spots the keyboard for his computer.)

"No time for games, I gotta get to school!"

―Pico

(He takes notice of his backpack on the ground.)

"I should probably take this, but I'm in too much of a hurry!"

―Pico

Nene's House

(Pico leaves his house and heads to Nene's house next door.)

"Ohai Pico. Check it out! I dyed my hair pink! Do you like it?"

―Nene

(The player has the option of Pico's opinion on Nene's new hair.)

I love it!

"Aw thanks Pico! You always know what to say!
This day will be great! I can feel it!
You know what they say, flow like a river!"

―Nene

"La vita è bella!"

―Nene

"𝒸𝑒𝓁𝑒𝒷𝓇𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓎 𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎"

―Nene

"Okay, Nene, that's great, but we gotta get going!"

―Pico

Hang yourself.

"Go to hell Pico, I've had enough of your jokes!
You do know that the only reason I did this was to show everyone that I'm finally better!
I'm not depressed anymore, Pico, life is beautiful!"

―Nene

"La vita è bella!"

―Nene

"𝒸𝑒𝓁𝑒𝒷𝓇𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓎 𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎"

―Nene

"Okay, Nene, that's great, but we gotta get going!"

―Pico

(Pico and Nene head outside. Pico looks back at his front door.)

"No way! We gotta get Darnell and head to school!"

―Pico

(Pico has the choice to briefly enter the "Doktor's" office, where Dr. Schmuck is waiting inside.)

"Come back when you are in extreme agony."

―Dr. Schmuck

The Streets

(Pico and Nene go to wait for the bus along with Darnell, while they wait they start talking)

"Yo, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting here for minutes! Boutta light shit on fire"

―Darnell

"Sorry Darnell, it's all Nene's fault"

―Pico

"Yeah, I figured. Girls, am I right, Pico?"

―Darnell

"Screw you guys. I'm having a good day and I won't let your stupid guy jokes ruin it!"

―Nene

"Come on Nene, we are just messing around!"

―Pico

"Yeah, you know we dig you, girl! Come on, let get going! We're gonna be late to school!"

―Darnell

(Suddenly, a red car crashes through the wall and runs over Darnell and Nene. Pico picks up their bodies and takes them to Dr. Schmuck.)

Medical Office

"Oh how wonderful!
Fear not, child, I have trained for this exact situation.
You will be on your way to ze school in no time!"

―Dr. Schmuck

(Out of nowhere, a blue-clad Pico appears and shoots the original Pico with a shotgun.)

(The screen flashes and cuts to black.)

(The music changes to a more heavy metal song.)

CITIZEN PICO
PICO'S SCHOOL IV

"Okie-dokie, just need to put that thingy back inside...
Oh my... That should do ze trick!"

―Dr. Schmuck

(Pico opens his eyes to see that the medical office is very bloody and the bodies of Nene and Darnell are missing.)

"Welcome back, Pico. You're probably lost, confused. I assume you have absolutely no idea what's going on right now.
Well... It's quite simple, you zee: an evil alternate universe version of you came in and did a big no-no! You killed you, Pico!
Even worse, you- well, he... took your friends with him! They think you're him, Pico! you need to help them! You need to save everyone!
Oh... You're probably wondering how you're alive if you got killed. It's simple, Pico. I, ze doktor, used my immense medical knowledge to save your life. You're welcome!
Now, where was I? Oh, right: Listen, I left a weapon for you in the alleyway next to my office! I had to do it like that, Pico. Can you imagine an adult just handing a weapon to a child?
What a silly thing to do. I'd never do such a thing. I'm not Hitler, hahaha
Go now, Pico! Save your friends and ze school!"

―Dr. Schmuck

(Pico leaves the operation table to do just that. He finds both the key to the school's lock and the weapon Dr. Schmuck hid under a pile of boxes. He unlocks the front door and heads in inside the school.)

School

(Inside, he finds the entire building nearly soaked and splattered with blood. After walking past the hallways, he comes across a pile of skulls near the end. Out of curiosity, he shoots at the pile, which reveals the sole survivor, Tracie.)

"Pico, it's you! Thank God! Please, Pico, you need to help me!
I can't do this alone, you're my only hope!"

―Tracie

Sure thing, Tracie, how can I help?

"I need you to be my boyfriend!"

―Tracie

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm trying to save everyone! Speaking of... Where is everybody?"

―Pico

"What do you mean? I'm right here."

―Tracie

"Yeah, but like... Why are there no other kids at the school?"

―Pico

"Uhh, 'cuz it's Saturday."

―Tracie

"...
So what are you doing here?"

―Pico

"I'm here every day, in case you show up, so we can go into the janitor's closet and play seven minutes in heaven. That is, if you'll be my boyfriend."

―Tracie

"Wait, does that mean you have the key to the janitor's closet?"

―Pico

"Duh. How else would we get in, silly?"

―Tracie

"Can I... Can I have it?"

―Pico

"That depends, will you be my boyfriend?"

―Tracie

(The player is now forced to either respond with "YES" or "yes".)

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOM
OK HERE'S THE KEY
Sweetie..."

―Tracie

(Tracie eagerly hands over the janitor's key.)

Fuck off you psycho bitch

(Pico proceeds to brutally shoot and kill Tracie in cold blood. Her body drops the key.)

(Regardless of which option is chosen, Pico opens the closet door with the key, only to find a horrific fusion of Nene and Darnell. He is then forced to fight the monstrocity and manages to subdue it. Pico takes its body and brings it to Dr. Schmuck in his office, which is now cleaned up.)

"Oh, Pico, you're back already!
I was just tidying up ze place. Do you zee how clean it is?
Why are you silent, Pico?
OH! Do you need medical assistance?
I bet you do!"

―Dr. Schmuck

(Pico shows Schmuck the fused body of his friends.)

"Just playing! I'm not that kind of guy.
I'm one of ze good ones!
If you know what I mean."

―Dr. Schmuck

(Annoyed with his refusal to help, Pico shoots Dr. Schmuck in the face.)

(Cut to black)

Dr. Schmuck (Final Boss)

(The walls of the office shift as a lab is exposed from behind it. Schmuck is seen standing behind numerous evil clones of Pico encased in tubes, as he undergoes a transformation. He is revealed to be Adolf Hitler in disguise.

"Seit Monaten leiden wir alle unter der Qual eines Problems, das uns auch der Versailler Vertrag, d.h. das Versailler Diktat, einst beschert hat, eines Problems, das in seiner Ausartung und Entartung für uns unerträglich geworden war!!!"

―Hitler

(A boss battle commences as Pico faces off against the infamous Nazi leader. Finally, Adolf Hitler's head is decapitated from his body, finally killing him.)

YOU KILLED HITLER
AND SAVED THE SCHOOL
YOU WIN
HAPPY PICO DAY 2024

PLAY AGAIN
MORE PICO

GAME BY KOLUMBO
BASED ON "PICO'S SCHOOL" BY TOM FULP
FEATURING CHARACTERS BY TOM FULP, PUKEBOMB & LUIS
MUSIC BY BURN7 AND THE PARTY CREW - SPECIAL THANKS TO MIHAP
GIVE MONEY TO NEWGROUNDS HERE - GIVE MONEY TO KOLUMBO HERE

(In the game's end screen, Pico is seen urinating on Hitler's head.)